stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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