Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
