I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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