So drunk its hurt
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
