my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
