ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
