Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
