these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
