New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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