now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
