i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
