Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My ass is underappreciated
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
