The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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