I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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