do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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