what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
