I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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