While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
