I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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