Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have fence marks all over my body
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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