That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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