I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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