Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
