Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
