Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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