I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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