I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
