I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
