dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
