im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
