It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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