Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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