can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
