I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
