you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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