Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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