Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
