I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
