so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
