My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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