this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
