I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
