Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
should my penis look like a turkey
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
