Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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