jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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