i need an iv and a liver transplant
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
