Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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