I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
