Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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