ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
