I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
