Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
