I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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