Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
