My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize